Written by I saw a recent Barna survey showing that over 70% of Christians don’t consider divorce a moral issue and don’t see a problem with it. The numbers of born again Christians getting divorces are comparable to the national average, and right on par with agnostics and atheists.
Bible teachers differ in their views on what the Scriptures allow or don’t allow in terms of divorce and remarriage for Jesus-followers. I have a more strict interpretation than most. However, that’s the not the point of this article.
The point is as follows: the church’s lax view on divorce has put in jeopardy the ability to display the power of the cross and the jealous desire of our Bridegroom God who gave His life to have relationship with human beings. The broken vows of “until death do us part” misrepresent our covenant-keeping God. Individual Christians cannot display the intimate relationship Jesus desires to have with the Church. That’s the job of a husband and wife! Paul wrote, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31,32).
When tested by the Pharisees to justify divorce, Jesus pointed them to God’s original intention for marriage – one man and one woman are joined together in a way that they are no longer two but one. Permanently. Until death. He said it this way: “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6). Does that divorce paper separate a marriage? Not in God’s judgment. “But he cheated on her!” Nope! Sorry. Man doesn’t have the power within himself to undo what God has done – meaning even that act of adultery cannot break the “one” back into “two.” Even an illegal atrocity that lands a spouse in prison doesn’t severe the union. The so-called exception for divorce found in the gospel of Matthew must be viewed in context – divorce is allowable only during the period of betrothal on the grounds of fornication, just as Joseph was justified in considering his divorce of Mary. However, once the knot has been tied, even fornication cannot undo it. What God joins together, no man can separate. Ever. Consequently, one who remarries after divorce while his/her spouse lives commits adultery and polygamy.
There should be little to no divorce in a church. This litmus test will determine the extent to which your church is shining like a city on a hill, or not, and whether the salt still has its flavor, or not. Your church’s divorce rate will confirm whether the gospel is being preached or not – inside and outside the church’s four walls. The revelation of the relationship between Jesus and the church that can only be displayed by a husband and wife is an essential revelation, for believers and unbelievers unlike.
Are there legitimate reasons to divorce? Well, there are at least legitimate reasons to separate. Those reasons are the exceptions, not the rule. When a legitimate reason for separation emerges in a marriage, is it because there was no vision for the marriage in the first place in one spouse or both, no understanding that their marriage was meant to display a deep mystery of God? Moses allowed divorce because of the hardness of the Israelites’ hearts (see Matthew 19:6). Are our churches full of hard-hearted, stiff-necked, disobedient Christians?
Because the strength of the marriages in a church is a measure of the strength of the church, strong marriages should be a chief priority of the top church leadership, not a sideline ministry for an “associate” pastor. The breakdown of healthy, trusting relationships among church families is a catalyst to the breakdown of marriages. I usually find out a “strong” Christian couple is divorcing or divorced after the divorce papers are served, never knowing they were struggling at home.
I’m happily married, for over 14 years. I don’t know what a hard marriage is like, or what some marriages go through. But I know the ability to forgive and be reconciled is the power of God manifested in weak human beings by the Holy Spirit. Many Christians would believe God can heal a body, but they don’t believe He can heal a marriage. Divorce seems to me a concession to the lie that even God cannot fix the problems of the marriage. What a faithless walk! And I greatly mourn when one spouse would work for reconciliation, but the other will not. The wronged spouse, sadly, must continue to live as though married to the faithless spouse, until one or the other dies.
What happens to those Christian couples who now, due to false teaching or ignorance, find themselves remarried after divorce? My own parents find themselves in this situation. I believe these couples must repent, even publicly. I honor my own parents because they have determined to keep their covenant while acknowledging the wrong that occurred. For example, my father would never accept the position of church deacon or elder, because he no longer meets the qualifications of an elder listed in the New Testament, namely being the man of one wife. He faithfully walks out this repentance. Remarried Christian couples should pray together and ask the Lord what He would have them do.
I’m asking you to realize marriage is a much bigger deal than you ever thought. I’m asking you to realize that no man can separate what God joins together. I’m asking that you impress upon the next generation the value of an unbreakable covenant by keeping yours. And I’m asking that you join with me in working on your marriage and keeping your vows unto displaying the mystery of Christ and the church. For His Name and Glory.
STAY MARRIED. 