Written by Desertion is unfair. One spouse is willing, the other is not. The Bible instructs Christians to let the unbelieving spouse leave if he/she is not willing to continue living with the Christian.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 1 Corinthians 7:15
The Greek word used for “under bondage” is not the same word used for marriage. So this verse is not saying “no longer married.” That meaning would contradict many other Scriptures which reveal God’s heart for marriage is that it be a covenant of one man and one woman unto death, without exception.
The meaning of “under bondage” in 1 Corinthians 7:15 must be seen in context to the phrase “But God has called us to peace.” “But” indicates a contradiction. What is the contradiction, or opposite of, peace? It’s war, conflict, noise, agitation, distress. If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, then don’t go to war, start a conflict, become agitated, raise a noise, or bring the relationship into distress. Let them go.
It is possible to continue to glorify Jesus and reveal the beautiful picture of His unfailing love for His church through desertion. Here are some things you can do.
1. Stay married.
The first thing you can do to continue to glorify Jesus through desertion is to remain married. Wear your wedding band. Do not file for divorce. Do not start looking to replace your spouse. In God’s eyes, you are married until one of you dies. Even if he/she leaves, there is a covenant in place that God does not want you to break. You can bring glory to Jesus by honoring that covenant, even if your spouse does not. Don’t be ashamed to tell people who wonder where your spouse is that they deserted you, and you are committed to honoring the covenant because you do it unto the Lord. Your faithfulness to your marriage covenant will reveal the faithfulness of Jesus to the church.
2. Honor your deserting spouse.
Don’t speak evil of your deserting spouse. Don’t make him/her the enemy. Follow the instructions given to us in the Bible, to love and bless those who wrong you. Hold your tongue about your spouse’s faults – don’t gossip about him/her. Be honest and open about the desertion with friends and family, but never dishonor the deserting spouse. Ask your friends and family to pray for him/her.
3. Respect/love your deserting spouse.
Wives are instructed by God’s Word to respect their husbands. Husbands are instructed by God’s Word to love their wives. Even though your spouse may desert you, you are still expected to obey God’s Word and treat him/her accordingly in all interactions with him/her. Also, your friends and family should see your respect/love for your deserted spouse . The world won’t understand how you could possibly have respect/love for someone who has done you wrong. This is a good work that will bring glory to God!
4. Examine yourself.
God’s Word tells us to remove the large plank from our own eye before we try to remove the tiny speck from another’s. In a desertion, there is usually not a completely innocent party. Instead of focusing on your deserting spouse’s issues, examine your own. Did you have high expectations that your spouse could not meet, leading them to feel defeated and hopeless? Were you nagging? Husband, did you really show her the love she needed? Wife, did you really respect him (even when he didn’t deserve it)? These are just a few of the questions you can use to examine your own shortcomings. This isn’t an exercise in self-pity, but an honest evaluation of your own sinful nature, which leads to repentance, forgiveness, and healing.
5. Get support.
Finally, you must have support to encourage you to stay faithful to your deserted spouse and show him respect (or her love) when it gets hard. Tell a friend or family member or church congregation your plans to honor your marriage covenant through the desertion. Ask them to hold you accountable for the ways you speak to, and about, your deserting spouse. If those around you are pressuring you to do the opposite of what God’s Word tells you, don’t talk with them about your desertion. Find those who are like-minded to help you through it.
If you do these things, you will bring so much glory to God and reveal the real covenant love of Jesus to the earth.
STAY MARRIED. 