SATISFYING CONNECTIONS

We all have a desperate need to feel satisfied on the inside.  The satisfaction we desire includes emotions we can name, like contentment and peace and joy, but it goes beyond the emotions we can identify and can best be described as feeling “satisfied.” Among the many emotions we can apply to feeling “satisfied,” it also includes feeling important, feeling loved unconditionally, and feeling heard and seen.

People search for this satisfaction in a number of ways. Many search for it in social media – It’s a great way to be seen and heard by your “friends.”  “Selfies” are cries to be seen. Many search for satisfaction through work and accomplishments.  And many search for satisfaction in ways that would be considered vices, like gambling, alcohol, drugs, or pornography.

Part of the satisfaction we are searching for can only be found in our Maker, our God and Father and His Son Jesus Christ.  And part of that satisfaction is found in connecting with people in life-giving interactions. Fulfilling and life-giving connections will not occur from a social media app, and they are definitely not found at the casino.  The temporary satisfaction of accomplishments or drugs are not fulfilling and life-giving long-term.

The most fulfilling and life-giving connections occur when someone who knows you – I mean knows the good and the bad about you – looks you in the eye and speaks the things to you that your heart is longing to hear and longing to believe are true about you.  Your spouse, your family, and your closest friends are the ones who know you best.  You can only be known in your closest relationships.  Having a complete stranger saying something nice about you may be encouraging, but when the same thing is said by someone who really knows you, it is way more impactful.

When spouses don’t feel satisfied anymore in marriage, they seek that satisfaction through other means. When children don’t feel seen and heard by their parents, they seek it through the ways the world tells them they will.  Young girls who don’t know the satisfaction of having their father tell them how beautiful they are will go out and seek that satisfaction from other men.

There are more applications of this truth than we discuss in this article.  For our purposes, I want to emphasize that spouses have a responsibility to ensure they are speaking those life-giving and fulfilling affirmations regularly to each other.  Parents to children. Close friends to each other.  These regular, interpersonal encouragements build others up in a way that nothing else can.

Here’s a practical example.  A mom and dad sat their two young daughters down on the floor, in the middle of the living room after bath time.  Dad explained that they were going to take turns telling each other what they liked most about each person.  Dad went first, followed by mom.  Then the five year old. Then the three year old.  Each person was encouraged, and the family members felt closer as a result. Love was expressed and received.

Here are some tips for doing this with your spouse, children, or friends.

Step 1.  Initiate.  Choose a place and time that is appropriate.  There are settings and circumstances that can hinder the delivery and the reception of life-giving encouragement.  It’s best if those involved are not distracted and can easily be heard.  Date night is a good time to do this with a spouse, or after the children go to bed.  For families with a child, call a family time before bed.  Of course, anyone can throw out an encouragement at any time – it doesn’t have to be a special time and place for this.  But it can be extra special if your spouse, child, or friend sees that you put time and energy into making this moment intimate and focused on them.

Step 2.  Encourage. Determine to speak only encouragement.  Search your own heart for those things that are true and good about the person you are wanting to encourage. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the words.  Be bold.

Step 3.  Receive. Determine to receive encouragement with an open heart and without false humility.  As the recipient of encouragement, it is easy to brush off things that seem too good to be true, or to have false humility, unable to agree with what is said about us.  I challenge you to agree with someone when they tell you that you are awesome or beautiful.  Receive it, and say, “Thank you!”  Let the words of encouragement wash over you and satisfy your longing to be seen, heard, and known.

Regularly connecting and affirming others in encouragement will build them up, deeper your connection to them, and bring real satisfaction to them and yourself.