Written by by Dara Aldy, Turning Hearts Ministries
Concerning Reflecting God to the Earth and the Subject of Vows: My marriage is the reflection of Christ’s love and commitment (His vows) to the church and the church’s love and devotion (our vows) to Christ. In that — if I break my vow of marriage – I am saying it’s “OK” for the church to turn their back on Jesus, and for Jesus to turn His back on the church. God hates a broken vow. He would rather me never make a vow than to make a vow and then break it. When we break a vow, we actually cease reflecting Him. Our vows state “for richer for poorer, in good times and in hard times, in sickness and in health, in poverty and in wealth — till death do us part.” Because my marriage is a reflection of the divine marriage between Jesus and the church, God takes the success of my marriage very seriously and releases everything that I need for life and Godliness through my relationship with Jesus, which includes all the resources of heaven at my disposal if I would but posture my heart to receive His help to keep my vows. He is a man of His word. We stand on His word. We live by His word. His word is life and hope. He wants us to also be men and women of our word (our vows), keep our word (vow) to our spouse. We become liars and hypocrites if we say on our wedding day, “till death do us part” and “let no man put asunder,” and then end it before we die. Giving up on the marriage reflects fickle and selfish love, NOT the unconditional faithfulness of Christ and His Bride.
God hates divorce. Divorce depicts unfaithfulness. It is a picture of harlotry to go from one lover to another in search of happiness and fulfillment until you’re done with one, only to look for someone new again when they no longer make me happy.
Marriage is not about not about my happiness. My spouse was not given to me for the purpose of my happiness. Marriage is about my holiness. Marriage is the Great Sanctifier. I die to myself and am united to another, and we both become ONE flesh through the laying down of our lives, our own plans for ourselves, our own dreams and our own visions that are independent of this relationship.
If we can easily get out of this marriage, what will keep us in the next marriage?
Scriptural references and reasons:
God chose the earthly marriage as the primary way to reflect His love and commitment to His Bride, the Church.
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:22-33 NASB
To break a Vow is sinful. We must take our vows very seriously, because God does.
“When you make a vow to the LORD your God, you shall not delay to pay it, for it would be sin in you, and the LORD your God will surely require it of you. However, if you refrain from vowing, it would not be sin in you. You shall be careful to perform what goes out from your lips, just as you have voluntarily vowed to the LORD your God, what you have promised.” Deuteronomy 23:21-23 NASB
God hates divorce. He wearies of our prayers and our groanings and our offerings when we deal treacherously with the one we’re joined to by covenant (vow). He stands as a witness between you and your spouse as to how you have treated each other. He is wearied by those who call evil good, calling divorce “good” and declaring “God would delight in divorce.”
“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the LORD has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” You have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet you say, “How have we wearied Him? ” In that you say, “Everyone who does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and He delights in them,” or, “Where is the God of justice?”” Malachi 2:13-17 NASB1995
He grants to us everything we need to walk out the Christian Life. He supplies it all. Every resource in Heaven is ours if we will humbly ask for His help and be teachable and quick to repent and quick to forgive.
“I thank my God always concerning you for the grace of God which was given you in Christ Jesus, that in everything you were enriched in Him, in all speech and all knowledge, even as the testimony concerning Christ was confirmed in you, so that you are not lacking in any gift, awaiting eagerly the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will also confirm you to the end, blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:4-9 NASB
“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. Through these He has given us His precious and magnificent promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, now that you have escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” 2 Peter 1:3-4
Suffering in this life is expected. We should not desire suffering as an evil doer. Suffering for the sake of Christ holds great value, even in our marriage. We are confirmed into His images in the suffering and the laying down of our lives for His sake, even in our marriage. Dying to ourselves in a marriage is used by God to sanctify us and make us HOLY – not happy.
“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial that has come upon you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you share in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed at the revelation of His glory. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. Indeed, none of you should suffer as a murderer or thief or wrongdoer, or even as a meddler. But if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but glorify God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who disobey the gospel of God? And, “If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should entrust their souls to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.” 1 Peter 4:12-19 BSB
Ultimately, Jesus is my All in All. Only Jesus can completely satisfy my deep needs to be seen, to be loved, and to be appreciated. No human can do this for us, even in a marriage between two people who love each other.
“For your husband is your Maker— the Lord of Hosts is His name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth. For the Lord has called you back, like a wife deserted and wounded in spirit, like the rejected wife of one’s youth,” says your God.” Isaiah 54:5-6 BSB
“After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward.” Genesis 15:1 KJV
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
True love endures ALL THINGS. This is what kind of LOVE God wants for my marriage, and He will help us to have this kind of love.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
No one is to separate a marriage. You’ve become ONE FLESH. To separate would rip the two of you apart – because you are now ONE PERSON – not two.
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6
Love covers. It does not criticize.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.1 Peter 4:8
A Godly marriage with Jesus as the 3rd strand was meant to be a weapon and a mighty fortress against the enemy. But we are too busy making our mates our enemy. We don’t have time to do warfare together against Satan as the Lord planned.
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
If I remarry after divorce, I will be in adultery before the Lord. This pushes me to make this marriage work. It’s my only chance at being married unless my spouse dies.
“For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man.” Romans 7:2-3 NASB
Committed married love shows the world that we are followers of Christ.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35
STAY MARRIED. 